Friday, April 20, 2012

The Boy (almost) Next Door

One of my prayer requests for William (probably not unlike most moms) is for friends. He had a good friend in Maryland and one here in his class when he was three (who we still see on occassion). But, while kids at school and church are kind to him, he hasn't had anyone his age show a specific interest in friendship for a few years.
Recently, that has changed. Bob is a 6 year old boy who lives five houses down from us. Last fall he was still a bit afraid of William, often running away when he saw him. But this spring he is very different. He has a baby sister now, and I think his mom is busy and he's looking for friendship. He often comes out when we're walking the dog. When he was on spring break, his face seemed to live in our window.
And the best part is, he wants to play with William. He'll play with Lily too, but he pursues William. And he's shown an amazing capacity to understand William's limitations and how he needs to adapt to relate to him. For example, the other day, he climbed our fence.
The second time, I told him, "Bob, you cannot do that here."
"But I know how to climb fences," he said.
"Yes," I replied, "but if William sees you, he will copy you, and that's very dangerous for him."
He looked at me for a while in silence. Then he said, "So if Lily sees me, she won't copy me, but William will?"
"That's right," I said. And he made surer William didn't see him do it again.
As I plan for the summer and next year and search for social opportunities, this very natural, very appropriate relationship seems like a gift from heaven. No fees, no travel, no challenge of what to do with Lily and Abby, no program end where you say goodbye and probably not see those children again. I'm rejoicing.

Precious

William has begun addressing many of his comments to an unidentified person called, "Precious." "Good job, Precious." "That's right, Precious." I'm trying not to freak out...

Abby's New Favorite Place


Group Reconciliation Report

Earlier this week, Sovereign Grace Ministries released the Ambassadors of Reconcilition's Group Reconciliation Report. They summarized the process they've implemented and said,

regarding the three panel internal review that was used instead of the adjudication process in the end:
"AoR was not involved with the design of implementation of this third process. After the process was designed, the SGM Board described it to AoR and asked for input. AoR provided brief comments to the Board, but AoR was not involved in the process. AoR did not commission the panels. AoR did not select people to serve on the panels. AoR did not design how the panels were formed. AoR did not meet with any of the panels or communicate with panel members. Ambassadors of Reconciliation Report to Sovereign Grace Ministries Board of Directors AoR did not attend any of the panel hearings. AoR was unaware of those selected for panels until it was reported after the hearings were completed." p.7-8

regarding common issues members and former members reported:
"While we were aware that not everyone had experienced these things in the same way, there were several cases from people in different churches in different areas that described these attitudes to us. While some may have been influenced by the blogs, there were enough different settings to indicate that others experienced similar things at different times and in different places." p. 10

They summarize the experiences people sought to relay as well as their own experiences during the process. They listed strengths and weaknesses they believe have contributed to the problems in general. For example,
"The irony to us was our impression that some were proud of their accomplishment in humility. They talked about it in such a way as to distinguish themselves from people outside their fellowship in that those in SGM were better at humility than others." p. 14

They learned that 53 pastors had left the movement over the past 30 years for various reasons, as well as about the same number of other staff and key lay leaders. It's unclear how many of these men they were able to talk to. p.19

They reported, "We heard stories from people who were treated very differently from those who experienced deep hurts in similar circumstances. These people experienced excellent care and support in their difficulties and expressed appreciation for how they were treated. Because of these accounts, together with the fact that we met with less than one half of one percent of the members of SGM churches, WE ARE UNABLE TO MAKE EITHER OF THE FOLLOWING BROAD GENERALIZATIONS (they made this phrase bold, but my blog isn't letting me bold for some reason so I'm subbing all caps):
o The entire SGM association of churches including SGM leaders at various levels has created a culture of consistently misusing authority and mistreating people.
o The entire SGM association of churches including SGM leaders has consistently treated people well in difficult situations." p. 22

They did not report any leaders' sins specifically. On this subject they said,
"This report is not the appropriate forum for confronting the sin of such individuals or boards. When appropriate, the team did attempt to confront those individuals and groups in private. If such individuals or groups did not confess their sins to those whom they sinned against, that does not necessarily mean that the Ambassadors team failed to address those sins." p. 32

Regarding personal reconciliation, they said,
"Throughout our work, especially in recent months, the AoR team heard reports that individuals were being faithful to God’s Word by initiating reconciliation. Some key people have gone directly in private to others with whom they were in conflict for confession and forgiveness.

"We are aware that some of those who took first steps were leaders who have been accused publicly. Because of the private nature of reconciliation, most people (including the AoR team) will never know who all has attempted or experienced reconciliation. However, God knows each one intimately and he is glorified in every case where reconciliation is attempted or realized, regardless of whether other people witness such things." p. 34

They conclude by listing the following recommendations to the SGM Board (p. 35-38):
1. Repent and believe the Gospel
2. We recommend that Sovereign Grace Ministries intentionally develop a culture of proclaiming God’s forgiveness to those who express repentance or confess their sins.
3. We recommend that Sovereign Grace Ministries establish a Reconciliation Ministry that utilizes trained reconcilers to serve in four areas of peacemaking:
a. Teaching biblical peacemaking
b. Coaching people in conflict
c. Mediating disputes among people
d. Adjudicating issues that cannot be mediated
4. Several relationships need help in reconciliation. We recommend that people within SGM use the reconcilers you appoint or other outside sources to help mediate some of the major broken relationships.
5. We admonish all current and former pastors and members of Sovereign Grace Ministries to stop the sinful communication and speculating on others’ motives.
6.We admonish people throughout SGM to stop blaming one another, especially trying to place blame on one person or group.
7. We recommend you develop policies and systems to address several key issues important to your church body. Utilize outside organizational consultants together with those within SGM who understand your doctrinal teachings on authority.
8. Appoint key leaders and provide extensive training for dealing with sexual misconduct cases in consistent and informed ways.
9. Keep building and increase use of your Pastors College.
10. Look for ways to reinforce proper use of authority at every level.
11. As SGM Board Members and Officers, restrict use of email for sensitive and confidential communication.
12. We encourage all the leaders and members throughout SGM to care for one another in Christian love, including reaching out to those who are no longer in your churches.

Along with the report, SGM released a response from CJ and the new Board thanking the AoR and everyone who participated and summarizing the issues into the categories of polity and pastoral practice. They say,
"We were encouraged that from their study AoR did not find a broad pattern of
failure and that from what they could see, these failings do not characterize
Sovereign Grace churches as a whole. But we freely acknowledge that these things
did occur, and we are grieved that there would be even one instance of such
practices among us. These are failures in the care and leadership of God’s precious
people."

CJ offers a personal apology and asks local pastoral teams,
"to consider whether any of these practices have characterized any of your
relationships with past or current members and to do all in your power to correct
these practices and reconcile with those who have been affected by them."

They conclude by making 6 commitments:
to correct deficiencies in polity,
to correct identified failures,
to teach pastors and leaders on these topics,
to excel in expressing God's forgiveness,
to carefully guard against sinful communication, and
to continue to pursue our mission.
(I am summarizing these points. I would have quoted them directly, but when I copy and paste from SGM's portion of the document, exclamation points show up between each word.)

Friday, April 13, 2012

Raisin Girl


Last week I introduced Abigail to raisins, and now she doesn't want to eat anything else.
Other funny Abby traits: She loves getting her fingernails cut- she'll cry if I cut someone else's and not hers
She hates sand- won't touch it!
She plays with the Playmobile knights (I got out this month) more than either of the other kids. I hope the fact that she carries around lances and battle axes doesn't mean she has an aggressive streak...
And, she's learned to climb up the stairs, and wants to practice all the time. I'm not sure whether to put up more gates or teach her to climb down.... Probably both would be wise, hmm

Art Museum Visit

We went to the art museum this afternoon to look at the armour as part of our unit on knights, castles, and royalty. Of course, the kids enjoyed splashing in the fountain and feeding the ducks and geese as much as anything in the museum. But that's ok; it was such a beautiful day, I had to agree with them.