Honor and Shame

 

I just finished The Imam's Daughter by Hannah Shaw.  It has given me a lot to think and pray about.  One of the things that really struck me is the way the author described the concepts of honor and shame and how they worked in the community where she grew up.  I've been growing in my concern with the way condemnation is sometimes dealt with in the church- when reassurance and acceptance is given without reference to forgiveness or even to God at all.  As Shaw described the way actual godliness didn't matter as much as the appearance of godliness mattered and actual honor didn't matter as much as the appearance of honor, I had to wonder how different we are as Christians.

As a mom of a special needs kid, I think I have a stronger experience of this dynamic.  William is constantly doing embarrassing things in public.  Things like shouting out random comments, drinking from someone else's water bottle, and greeting random 40 year old ladies with, "Hi, Grandma!"  These things aren't sin, and yet I can feel the temptation be embarrassed and even ashamed.  That shame has nothing to do with God or my relationship to God.  It's not that I feel condemned by God at that moment; it's that I'm not thinking about God at that moment.  I'm thinking about what others think, I'm thinking about how children are suppose to act, I'm wondering what people think I should be doing as a parent to correct my son. 

Don't we all have issues like that?  A dirty house, showing up late at an event, forgetting a friend's birthday, mixing up the names of new people at church.  So embarrassing, but probably not sin.  And even things that are sin- like yelling at our kids or not wanting to serve someone in need or holding a grudge.  Is the reason we're ashamed of them, the reason we beat ourselves up or defend ourselves to others, because it is sin and we feel guilty before God?  Or is it because we're embarrassed about what others think of us?  Does their assurance that we're ok, their general affirmations that there is grace, take the guilty feelings away, soothing our conscience without interacting with our Savior?

There's been a lot of talk in Sovereign Grace circles lately about not being so sin-focused.  Don't get me wrong, I think that's a good thing.  Personally, though, I think that part of the answer is not just to talk about sin less but to learn how to deal with sin more biblically- to discern what really is sin (and what isn't), to learn to feel true conviction (and sometimes that's a process), and then to experience actual forgiveness by God through Jesus Christ.  Real conviction and real forgiveness are part of the process of sanctification that leads to real victory.

Like I said, Hannah Shaw has given me a lot to think about, and this is just one of those things.